It took me sometime to come up with a topic I wanted to talk about. Fortunately, I can owe this post to an Indian soap my mom was watching this morning, titled Jodha Akbar. I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to wear a “large nose ring” on my wedding day because one of the women was adorned with one in said scene; otherwise called a vaari (in Gujrati). Preserving my cultural heritage is my priority, I was born an American, but I’d die for my culture. Thus, the planning began in my mothers head.
To my non-Indian friends, the ridiculous round circle in this woman’s nostril is what we call a vaari. You only wear it on your wedding day. Disclaimer: Make sure to use a straw when drinking your beverage.. or else it’ll look like you are having a stroke. Photo courtesy of Google images.
She continued to say ” Ohhh, and for the reception, if you want a real pearl necklace or a diamond necklace, we can get one of those too”.
And this is where I cut in to say, “First, let me find a guy, the last clearly didn’t work out the way it was supposed to”, in which we both burst out into laughter!
I gotta hand it to myself, my humor is top notch!
Awhile ago, my mom got an offer from a family friend about a guy who is “looking” for a girl. She told me and I rejected… (at that time I was in a relationship). She of course bought it up again this morning. She wanted to call the family and let them know….. eeekk. I don’t think I’m ready at the moment. The first thing I asked was if he was tall.
(Its a deal breaker for me, a tall man is like a Tulsi magnet…. not just because I am highly attracted to such a characteristic, its everything I’ve dreamt of … and then some ; ) And so, that is one of the qualities I do look for… I myself am short… someone a few inches taller has just never appealed to me… I like the tippy toe affect… always have)
Anyway, to continue… I still said no not yet.. I wasn’t ready. I need some time. This leads me to my next conundrum.
The idea of marriage to me has always been precious. I think of myself as an old soul. To me, if you aren’t ready to marry then don’t do it. It is something that is sacred enough to create a bond between two people, even if they were dating for awhile and things have died down a little. Truthfully, this is something I want, it is definitely something I want to share with another individual.. an individual that works for me. I believe, being married to someone will bring on that weird butterfly feeling, the excitement is another part of it. To be able to share a life with another is practically nuts and yet its become the norm. You learn to work in sync, sometimes things fall out of that coordinated life but thats where the excitement is, working out problems, making it work and of course the make up sex is the cherry on top. In my book at least. The height of marriage falls into friendship for me, being best friends with that person is an absolute must. Things just flow much better that way; acting like two people who are married to fulfill the contract… no, thats not how I imagine things. Marrying cause you’re getting old and you just want to settle… hey if you can handle that mind set, knock your self out, but I won’t. I can’t bare to imagine to spend my entire life with someone who I just settled for… what if my IT guy is out there and I just gave up because the hunt became to damn hard? At this point, its easier to say, to hell with getting old and the nagging that you hear from your parents… yes you should respect their opinions but 20 years down the road… its not their life that will be reaching the pinnacle, it will be yours. Like I said before, don’t do it until you are ready or until you’ve answered all of the questions you’ve come up with in your own head. Getting advice from a respected friend or sibling is great, but guess what… everyone says different… follow your mind, take a break for a bit.. its an everlasting project, its good to sometimes take a step back and evaluate things as they are. You know, seeing girlfriends getting engaged and then married literally kills you inside. Trust me, a good bunch of my nursing school friends ended up being proposed to after we all graduated. MY HEART fell out of my ass, for myself of course. Theres nothing more you can do but be happy for them, the one thing I wouldn’t want any woman to think is.. “when will it be my turn?”. I thought that. My relationship theme park shut down before I could even get in line for my turn. My point is, you never know what is going to happen… throughout my time with said person I dated I vowed to keep thinking that we never know what will happen, its better to be surprised then to have a plan in this game. The best relationships are the ones that are never expected to happen; whether they last or not, they teach you the most valuable and worthy lessons, its best to take it as an opportunity and go with it, because like I said you never know what will happen.
In all honesty, I thought I had found that person. I could picture myself, getting ready either standing at the altar or sitting around the fire, every things going smoothly, until I actually have to say “yes”. I saw myself hesitating. Why did I hesitate? After all, this is what I wanted, I couldn’t answer the question. There was something there that was stopping me, I couldn’t put a finger on it, I still can’t but something wasn’t right and that’s when I knew, this may not work. And that’s where my world began to shatter… unfortunately neither of us knew it. I like to think of it as not being able to face the truth because we both were happy with each other. Then I realized, maybe happiness isn’t the only thing you need to lead you down the path of marrying someone. Of course, there is love, respect, happiness, communication, compromise etc. Many factors make up a successful marriage to me. In my case, not everything was there; beliefs, values and the infamous party crasher, religion. As mad as I was at the latter, I had to let it go. You see, respecting him was a part of it and respecting his values is what made our decision easier. I’m more spiritual then religious, my beliefs are spread out through many religions, not just Hinduism and I like it that way. I’ve never seen myself being able to conform to just one thing; I like everything…. hmmm kinda like food. : x
In any relationship I’m in, my goal is to make things 50/50, to be fair is one of the ways I can give back to someone I am involved with. Just because I’m a woman does not mean I need the man to place everything at my feet.. it doesn’t work like that and I don’t want it to. For it to work… I should also be putting stuff at his feet; he needs to feel the appreciation just as much as I do. The male brain is wired WAY different than the female brain, for those of us into psychology, we can attest to that. Understanding, both worlds is important to me, you’ll see me catering to the male side just as much as the female; thats a real relationship to me.
Now that I may have solved some of this puzzle, my next worry is … who the hell is out there that shares what I have? Finding someone after college is probably as difficult as finding a needle in a hay stack; being that, that needle is the one you want to use. At one point in time, I promised myself and my best friend Reema that the next person I would date would be the person I’d want to marry. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. My fake promise led me down a path, although I regret nothing.
There are so many people out there, I think most of all I am a bit scared, especially where I am right now. Time will fix that. But to me, what lies ahead isn’t necessarily going to define who I will marry and what will happen, what if I go through a series of boyfriends, before I hit my winning ticket? I’m 24, in the Indian world, this means your ass better start fighting for men, like someone handing out free ice-cream from the back of an ice-cream truck. (This really happened during my childhood by the way… it ended with sweaty Indian armpits in my face and big hipped women pushing to get a ice-cream cup for their 1 year old, who would’ve barely ate it).
As I’ve grown older, I have thought about many things. I’m a thinker and do it way too often. Probably way too much for my age. Its what makes me who I am. I think I know myself very well and I encourage many people to sit and think; it helps to define who you are. After dating around and being where I am, I know the type of man I want, of course I’m still learning as all of us are… but nonetheless I’ve got it down pat.
My ulterior motive here is to potentially find someone I’d want to marry. Mutually agreed upon, of course. Now, how do I do that? I’m done with school for now. I have a small circle of friends. Networking, seems to be a smart way of handling things; meeting a friends’ friend, or my favorite introductory line of all “I have this friend, who knows this guy, he’s also single, let me see if I can hook it up”. My face at this point, turns into an expressionless blob. Yes, I want to meet people; No, I don’t want to drown in dudes. I can’t play the I’m dating 5 guys at one time, to see who I like best game because frankly, I’d mess it up. Probably end up, texting guy A about plans I had with guy C and guy B is still waiting on my call all because I got confused between A and C. Then, they all peace out on me and once again Tulsi is as single as they come. Not my game, requires too much thinking, I already need my brain power to pass meds at work! I’d rather read a good book! So then, where does that take me? I live in a small town; unless the man of my dreams calls me out of the blue… looks like I’m still at square one.
I hope for someone to fall in love with my quirky humor, my witty remarks, my sailor mouth, my inappropriate comments, my love for books, the love I have for caring for those who cannot help themselves, my career, my family, which is huge, my short height because he should be 6 foot, my kinkiness, my hate for PDA, my need to have intellectual conversations, my love for debating, my appreciation for fights, my everlasting dreams of going paint balling, visiting a shooting range, laser tagging, acting like a ninja, when I can.., my nerdy-ness, the loyalty I have with said man, the love I have for him, the respect for his family and mine, my hate for lying and cheating, my feminist side, my independent-ness, my crazy anger, my sometimes irrational behavior… and so on… holy shit, theres so much more that makes up who I am.
Where will I fit in some guys life where all of this will be accepted once again? I guess, we have to stay tuned to find out huh?!! Comments and thoughts are always welcome! Especially from those married folk LOL.
Taking it one day at time; Happy Pi day all … 3.14 all day. – TP